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The Chronicles of Xavier LD Monroe: Chapter VI

I ain’t da four year old… Wolverine is the child! Ima grown ass….

Two year old!

Shut it Harper!

We all laugh.

You are about as bad as CheddaHed is with cupcakes.

Harper and I peek over the cubicles towards the Xerox machine. There was CheddaHed pretending not to hear us.

Man! Like you don’t be checking the same thang I do.

You right!

We all laugh again.

We go back to our perspective cubicles and/or desks and commence the ceremonial dragging of our feet to actually doing work. I log onto my computer, open my Outlook and behind scoffing at the million and three emails I seem to always have in my inbox.

Click… Delete…

Click

Click

Tap

Tap tap tap

Harper, did you answer the email from so and so?

Uh huh did you not get it?

Oh ma bad there it is! Right under the forty thousand other ones. Thanks.

I put my headphones in and settle in for some desk tweaking.

Ding goes my Google hangouts app in Chrome.

It’s Phoenix.

Morning Xa! How are you?

Morning Phoenix! Ooooooh the morning I’ve had so far. How you durn?

Oh? Adventurous? LOUD? Or traffic related?

Oh you know LOUD and adventurous of course.

Whachu do?

LOL why do I always have to do something?

Because you’re related to me and I know you too well.

This is true. But for once I was trying to behave myself. Dat guh was fahn but I couldn’t go down that road today.

*raised eyebrow* you? Behave? Was she curly?

Yes, yes and of course.

And you behaved?

I did Phoenix I promise. I totally didn’t want to cause or get into any trouble today.

LOL today!

Ugh everyone keeps saying that. Am I truly this ratchet and rotten?

Do you really want me to answer that Xa?

Lmfao NOPE! Not in the least bit Phoenix. Okay so enough about your troublesome sibling. How’s you?

Well…

Uh huh what YOU do Phoenix?

So I went to pick up dinner the other night after work. And I was in line waiting and started singing the song playing in the restaurant. Well this fahn piece of chocolate complimented me on my singing. Asked if I was a vocal coach or sung professionally.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaas! I smell one of your novellas coming on.

You’re funny.

Dude, you know you meet all kinds of people all the time and have even better stories about some of them.

This is true.

Okay so what happened with chocolate thunder?

LOL!! Well let me say that chocolate thunder seemed like a youngen.

Ain’t nothing wrong wit that. If you got it flaunt it!

Well I sorta showed my age and said the song that was playing was out when I was a teenager. But without missing too many beats, we just kept talking about old skool music.

That’s awesome. So was CT tall dark and sexy? And are you going to see CT again?

Yeeees and I hope so! CT works at the gelato place a few doors down from the restaurant. And you know how I feel about gelato.

Mmmmm gelato…. Mmmhmm I know cuz I have the same lust for it! hehehehe I think you should go get some after work one day.

Come now you already know I am and will go get some.

*snickering* I’m so incredibly rotten. Mind. In. Gutta!

Your mind is always in the gutta. That ain’t nothing new.

Ma bad I know. evil grin

Phoenix is prolly laughing at me right now.

I can’t wait to hear more of this novella. One of these days I’m need you to write a book about your ahe heh heh “adventures”.

LOL!

Seriously Phoenix. They’re so sporadic and crazy. Definitely worth a shot!

Perhaps…

So CT was cute huh?

Oooh yaaaah!

Phoenix! Come back to me! LOL Phoenix!

Huh what? What happened? LOL

By this time, I was laughing so hard my tummy hurt because Phoenix and I are the same person at times. So I already know the level of trouble this could potentially turn into. For Phoenix’s sake I hope it’s E P I C.

The Chronicles of Xavier LD Monroe: Chapter III

Bae don’t have to know. Trifling ass heffa! I knew Curly would say that. And to that I gave her to rudest side eye, thanked her again for returning my case and hopped in my truck. As I sped away, I could see her still standing at her car. Cute girl. But she woulda been just too much trouble.

damn the story for the homies just got juicier!

As I exited the parking lot, my phone rings. Oh now you fucking go off. Ratchet ass phone! I peeped down and saw it was Sam, my homie from SicEmU. Sam will surely get a kick outta this shit.

Yo dawg.

Waddup homes! What’s crackin?

Same ol shit. Bout to jump on this stupid ass call. McFly always wanna have some sort of call to discuss and recap what we talked about two hours ago.

McFly full of shit you know that.

I know. Wassup wit chu?

Yo homie I just met this fahn ass curly haired broad at the dealer. You aaaalllllready know I’m a sucker for curly hair.

Oh lawd here we go.

Nah nah nah I escaped that shit faster than you can climb on top of Gallo.

Don’t talk shit about Gallo mayne. That’s my boo right thur.

Yeah yeah I bet. Anyway so she call herself sitting next to me at the dealer. Dude I nearly had a heart attack. So much so I had to run up outta there. I left so fast I left my iDevice case behind. And guess what? Curly chased me down to return it to me.

Wait she ran after you dawg? And you… behaved?

Ma bad homie, did you want to attend my funeral tomorrow? Besides ain’t nobody a hoe like you!

You right. So obviously you pulled over so you could retrieve your case. But did something happen that you talking to me now?

That triflin ass heffa tried to put the damn moves on me and then said Bae ain’t gotta know what we do. In my head, I said shiiiiiiiiiiiit you dunno Bae and I ain’t bout ta get kilt over ya hoeish ways. Outwardly, I just hopped in Prime and left. That trick, as you say, was innocent and homely looking wit bad gurl riri ways! No thank you!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha

Yo dawg that shit…. Okay yeah it is funny but shit you know I don’t need added drama to my life.

LOL You sho don’t. Well glad you dodged that bullet. Ima get on this call and holla at you later.

Aight homie. Check ya later.

I arrived at work shortly after I hung up with Sam. As I’m driving into the compound, I notice three of the work homies, Wolverine, CheddaHed and Harper Lee have all arrived to work.

Shit it’s already after 08:20! That means ShawtyLoLo has left the building already. I’ll have to tell that fool my chismes later.

I parked Prime on the other side of the lot next to my friend Trixie. As I was grabbing my shit, Bae messaged me.

Like fucking clock work. You coulda message earlier yo.

hey babe. Just checking on you. Hope you’re okay.

Suriously! You couldn’t have messaged earlier when I was being seduced by the dangerously fahn curly haired girl. Jesus…

yep I’m ok babe. Just got to work.

I finished gathering shit and start my trek to the front door. As I’m walking to the front door, I start thinking about the whole ordeal with Curly. A small part of me was amused by the whole situation because that meant at the ripe of age of thirty-five I still got it!

Ha HA! Play on playa!

On the other side of that, even though I still got that p.i.m.p schwagga, I know I’m all bark and no bite. And I’ve grown up quite a bit from my younger more hoeish days at SicEmU. But lemme be perfectly clur when I say I’d still be a hoe had Bae not come along.

Ugh mushy shit… Gotta nip that shit in the bud now!

08:35. Not bad timing.

Elevator

 

 

Ooooooor the stairs.

 

 

Decisions

 

 

Elevator it is. I’m feeling lazy today.

 

Hey! Hold the elevator.

 

Oh shit please let that not be Curly.

I pushed the door open button and waited for the person to come through.

Any day now. It don’t take that long to punch in.

The voice came around the corner. Whew shit not Curly! Thank you geeeeeeeezzzzuuuuusssss!

BUUUUUUUUUT it was one of the building hotties.

Fuck me now life! Twice in one day really? I’m surely to be dead by tomorrow morning. I’m sure of it!

Sup

Hey

Thanks for holding the door.

McSteamy is talking to meeeeeeeeee! Happy dance! Happy dance!

No prob bob.

Come on elevator ooooooopen already. Finally dammit. Slowest two flight elevator ride EVER!

Have a good day!

Yeah you too see you around.

Not if I see you first McSteamy.

Married spud ma-rr-ied spud! Lawd help me today!