I am my grandfathers baby. Not only do I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, the desire to help others learn but I have his don’t fuck wit me get the fuck out ma damn way temper. I have learned that as I get older, the filter I used to have in my twenties no longer exist. My desire to please people has also gone out the window. My ability to “keep quiet and turn the other cheek” has disappeared not so much in thin air but it didn’t take very long to be non existent.
It all started a little while ago. I suppose I never adjusted to the situation but at the same time lemme just say this: the situation was fucked up for the beginning and no matter how much I try not to let it get to me it does and in the worst way. Lemme also say that while I do possess my mother’s mild temperament <del>she the one person in the family who don’t blow a gasket easily</del> I haven’t quite figured out how to just let things go.
I go home at night wound so tight I’m pretty sure not even the strongest of liquors could satisfy my thirst for escape. I suppose that is good in a way because that means my alcoholic genes haven’t gotten in the way of my already non existent sanity. There are times I want to quit, runaway and never look back. But that nice little huge of metal sitting outside my house prevents me from doing that so hastily.
I could say that the situation isn’t any fault of mine but I have to be a grown up about it and realize that the only way to rectify this mess is to stop contributing to the madness. Learn to play the cards I’m dealt to my damn advantage instead of against me.
fuck I hate being a damn adult Keep my damn mouth shut and try hard not to be like my mother’s younger sister and just go off without thinking how that would affect someone else. But hey at least I’m honest about needing and wanting to improve. Not many adults are willing to say that especially if they are as stubborn and bullheaded as I am.
Anyway tomorrow is another day and hopefully it’s a good day.
Thanks for reading…
<em>The Southern Yankee</em>