Tag Archives: family

Day 7: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

In my life, I have never really regretted much of anything. I don’t regret losing my virginity the summer of my junior year of high school. Nor do I regret all the things I did my freshman year of Baylor. I’ve enjoyed the mistakes I’ve made because they’ve made me the person I am today. They’ve taught me to think twice before doing something that might hurt me or the people I love. 

Unfortunately, even though I talk and act like I’m fearless, I’m really not. even though I say I don’t regret anything, there is one thing I do. 

Her birth name is Elizabeth Cherie and she was born Friday, September 15, 2000 at 16:10 in Waco, Texas at Hillcrest Baptist Hospital. She is my daughter. My first child. My heart and soul. The very reason I live and breathe. The reason I want more out of life. The reason when I see a child hurt or suffering I want to cry and take their pain away. The only person that could make me cry with one look. if I ever got to see her again.

My heart hurts more than I care to admit. I feel so lost without her as if there is an unquenchable void in my heart and soul. Lord knows I would be more than happy to have her back. More than happy to hear her say “I love you Mami!” I hope and pray that one day she will know me and tell me the words I have longed to hear for so long. 

But I can’t help but wonder if she would even accept me. Will she understand why I did what I did? Or will she resent me? This is what I think about every time I think about her. I question why I didn’t listen to my wonderful friends who volunteered to help me raise the most beautiful little girl I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I question why my family didn’t either.

Sigh… If you ever get to read this, sweetheart, I love you! I love you soooo very much. From the day I found out about you til the day I die I will love you. 

You are my sunshine; my only sunshine. You make me happy; when skies are grey.

You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. please don’t take my sunshine away … love, Mami

 

Thanks for reading…

The Southern Yankee

Day 6: Something You Hope You Never Have to Do

It is 21:32 Monday evening and I’m barely starting to write today’s post.

Football had me straight trippin over the weekend and I fell behind. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish is post before 00:00.

Side note: for those looking at your computer crossed eyed trying to figure out what the hell kind of time I be tellin… It’s military time. No I am not in the military but I work in television which is a 24-hour business.

So it’s Day 6 of the 30 Days of Truth challenge. I feel like this post will take the most out of me simply because I am uncertain what exactly that would be. So many major life altering events have happened in the news over my lifetime; all of which no less tragic than the previous. But then I think about how children and teenagers vastly different from when I was “their age”. Lawd I sound like an old person sitting on the front porch in a rocker smh

When I was younger, especially in my teenage years, I hoped I would never have a child like me because I was a horrible little shit. at least I was in mine and my family’s eyes. Of course compared to kids nowadays, I’m sure my rebellion period seemed like a walk in the park. Seriously!! I would have never thought to take a gun to school. Or steal my mother’s car to go I don’t know where. Yes I pulled some crazy stuff but certainly nothing that would even be the icing on the cake for what some parents deal with now…

But as I sit and think about recent events I’ve read, seen and/or heard about in the news, the first that comes to mind is the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. I am not going to begin to even rationalize how it would feel or how it will feel as the days, months and years pass. I pray that something as horrific as this or the Aurora theatre shooting or even Columbine never happens in an area around me because I honestly do not even want to know what I would or would not do in those situations. I cannot even express how heartbroken I was and still am for the parents, teachers, siblings, classmates of those who passed away. Can anyone imagine how President Obama felt not only as the President of the United States but as a father of two relatively young daughters when he delivered his speech about Sandy Hook?

I’m sure there were plenty of people out there who said “oh well I would’ve done this this and that if I were in that situation.” but honestly, I don’t think anyone can prepare for that! Say what you will against that statement, my argument will be the same: Personal experience trumps hypothetical reasoning in certain situations. So please do not post the “well I think you’re wrong because…” comments.

Thanks for reading…

The Southern Yankee

Something to Ponder for Tuesday, January 3rd

This week’s Something to Ponder topic is “what does your family portrait look like?” Before you start painting your family portrait, there are a few factors you should really think about.

1. What does family mean to you as an individual? Please do not reference the definition listed in Merriam-Webster or Wikipedia because I promise family does not have to be as cut and dry or black and white as it appears in these reference materials. For me, a family does not always have to consist of blood-related persons. A family can be, like most experiences and life lessons, what a person makes of it. You can almost choose who you consider family who you do not.

2. Once you have determined YOUR meaning on family, think who would be included in your family portrait. Would you include people like lifelong friends and their families, co-workers, Greek-lettered organization members, cousins who are more like siblings than cousins, god parents and siblings, etc. Really take the time to make a list(s) of these people because you’d be surprised who would make the list and who wouldn’t.  For example, I often say I have approximately twenty siblings (including my two biological half brothers and step brother), five moms (including my biological mother), two dads (my biological father does not count), a step dad (my mother’s second husband), two nephews and seven nieces (two of which will be born relatively soon).

Now keep in mind that this does not mean your biological family means any less. It just means that there are other people who are there for you “through thick and thin” like your biological family is should be. Notice I said should be… There are people out there who are related and that’s it. The emotional connection of being a family simply is not there. You may care and love them like you’re supposed to but anything past that is pretty much none existent.

For example, despite the fact that she and my Papa (pronounced paw paw) helped raise me, I do not have an emotional bond to my grandmother. She is just my mother’s mother to me. I care about her well-being because I am supposed to as a grandchild. I cannot bring myself to be fake and say oh I love you grandma like I really do love her because I would be lying. Of course, she and I had a horrible relationship when I was growing up and that has always played a major role in my emotional detachment from her. Don’t act like this hasn’t happened to you or someone you know.

Believe me when I say I realize there are biological families who are not quite as dysfunctional as mine. Those families are blessed beyond their wildest dreams.

3. While you were making your list(s), did you determine that you have multiple family portraits? I can honestly say, I have multiple family portraits because truth be told, I am different when I am with certain individuals or groups of people. Take for example, my Delta Omega brothers of Alpha Phi Omega at THE University of Houston. There are members I would proudly call my brother and my family because not only have we truly taken the time to get to know each other outside of the organization but these are the people I know I can count on when it is time for a chapter service project or to handle chapter operations.

So have you decided what your family portrait will look like? Do you have several or just one? And how does this portrait differ from the one that physically hangs in your parents or grandparents homes?