In my life, I have never really regretted much of anything. I don’t regret losing my virginity the summer of my junior year of high school. Nor do I regret all the things I did my freshman year of Baylor. I’ve enjoyed the mistakes I’ve made because they’ve made me the person I am today. They’ve taught me to think twice before doing something that might hurt me or the people I love.
Unfortunately, even though I talk and act like I’m fearless, I’m really not. even though I say I don’t regret anything, there is one thing I do.
Her birth name is Elizabeth Cherie and she was born Friday, September 15, 2000 at 16:10 in Waco, Texas at Hillcrest Baptist Hospital. She is my daughter. My first child. My heart and soul. The very reason I live and breathe. The reason I want more out of life. The reason when I see a child hurt or suffering I want to cry and take their pain away. The only person that could make me cry with one look. if I ever got to see her again.
My heart hurts more than I care to admit. I feel so lost without her as if there is an unquenchable void in my heart and soul. Lord knows I would be more than happy to have her back. More than happy to hear her say “I love you Mami!” I hope and pray that one day she will know me and tell me the words I have longed to hear for so long.
But I can’t help but wonder if she would even accept me. Will she understand why I did what I did? Or will she resent me? This is what I think about every time I think about her. I question why I didn’t listen to my wonderful friends who volunteered to help me raise the most beautiful little girl I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I question why my family didn’t either.
Sigh… If you ever get to read this, sweetheart, I love you! I love you soooo very much. From the day I found out about you til the day I die I will love you.
You are my sunshine; my only sunshine. You make me happy; when skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. please don’t take my sunshine away … love, Mami
Thanks for reading…
The Southern Yankee