I recently turned the ripe young age of 37.
For you obnoxious youngens who have issues with growing older, that is STILL considered young. Your age does not factor into how old you feel, behave or think. In fact, most people would say I have the mindset and sense of humor of a teenage boy lol! I cannot help my mind stays in the gutta 24/7/365 (or in this year’s case 366).
And while I do not have issues with my age as a number, I do indeed have issues with the impending dreaded number that is now three years in front of me.
It never fails. Every New Year since the age of 35, I have had these cry myself to sleep moments where I question my every existence. I wonder if and when I’ll finally get off my lazy ass and do something more than what I am doing currently.
I wonder if I’ll have that house with the dream kitchen I’ve been pinning so furiously about.
I wonder if my daughter will seek me out.
I wonder if I’ll have another child or two.
twins or triplets would be great God so i only have to be pregnant once.. thaaaaaanks.
I wonder if I’ll land that dream job I’ve always dreamed of and/or talked about. Sports Illustrated I’m talking to you!
So much pondering yet little to no action behind my endless day dreaming.
This New Year I am not making any resolutions as I don’t usually make good on them in the first place. This year I think I’m just going to take each and every day one at a time. I don’t want to plan my life out anymore. Partly because I continuously set myself up for failure and disappointment. Partly because I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore.
All I DO know is that life is too short and I feel that my life is wasting away by doing nothing with it. I know how utterly depressing of me to say but I’m in that kind of mood right now.
Anyway… thank you again for following me on this journey called life. I promise to one day get better at this blogging thing!
Thanks for reading…
the southern yankee
My big sis sent this to me the other day and it got me thinking.
ha like i need ANYTHING to make me think
Take a gander.
I have to say in my opinion I’m not at all like most girls.
Cliché or not, I pride myself on being different. On not conforming to what religious conservatives deem how my race and gender should behave and look like. For not focusing my life on the media’s portrayal of what a black woman should be.
I’m very much a tomboy who thoroughly enjoys cursing and swearing, watching AND playing sports as well as throwing back a cold brew or a stiff put hair on your chest drank. I talk mad shit wit the boys and make lewd and inappropriate jokes. I’m a car enthusiast and aspiring mechanic. Did I mentioned I fucking HATE dressing like a damn girl?
absolutely loathe that shit! You have NO idea!
I have wildly crazy natural hair that seems to have a mind of her own but I don’t
nor will I straighten it because someone else tells me to or because society says I’m not pretty. Luquisha is hur to stay bitches!
I have a big ass but I don’t really try to accentuate it to make it seem like my milkshake brings all the boys
(or girls) to the yard or even come swarming towards me.
My attitude at times is not because I’m uneducated or don’t got common fucking sense
cuz I got a fucking degree from a top notch school mayne but because I like to be funny and adapt to my surroundings and people around me.
Lately, there seems to be a great amount of talk about women and how we should behave, think, feel and exist.
Women are expected dress a certain way otherwise we must be a two dollar hoe just cuz we show some damn skin or boobs or leg.
Women are expected to be more inclined to stay at home, clean house, take care of the churrin stupid grown ass child included, have a hot meal on the table at least twice a day and put out whenever and however the husband pleases.
We can’t be independent and do for ourselves because we’re the weaker sex. We can be sexualized against our will but not sexual on our own accord.
We can’t be President or a coach in the pros.
We cannot possibly be capable of running a successful revenue generating company.
Nope women can’t possibly ever be as omnipresent, professional, deserving of the good life or intelligent as the men who are consistently trying to gain the upper hand by backhandeding their peers. Don’t get it twisted women are just as conniving and ruthless. But unfortunately, women, especially women of color, are under paid significantly compared to a male counterpart in the same position, skill sets and tenure.
Soooooo whachu gettin at Southern Yankee?
This: Women deserve to be treated better. Women deserve to be revered as worthy of anything we put our damn minds too. Young girls like my daughter and nieces should be able to name more than a handful of women who have done something significant in the world’s history.
Women should be afforded the same opportunities as men in everything. Not because we can do everything better because we absolutely can but because the next generation needs to see that. How are we to tell our daughters, nieces, sisters, granddaughters and cousins you can be anything your heart desires if we, the current adults, don’t first set the example? No I’m not saying our sons, brothers, grandsons, etc can’t be whatever they want but in all honesty, boys obviously have it easier unless they’re gay; which then it’s a whole other ball game and certainly a whole other blog post.
Why is it women are good enough to be wives and mothers but not everything else under the sun?
Why are we selfish for wanting a career over family?
Why must we be belittled for having an opinion or fuck even an idea?
Why can’t we be equal citizens under the law instead of being subject to a religiously conservative white male’s opinion of who we are and should be?
Thanks for reading…
the southern yankee
I’d be lying if I said I hardly ever remember the small insignificant little aspects of my life. I’d be lying if I said those insignificant little aspects didn’t still have some sort of affect on me mentally as well as emotionally. I have issues with remembering shit and people at the most inconvenient of times. I have issues trusting and believing in the simplest of concepts.
My life is comprised of people who both inspire me to be the best I can be and those who I have yet to understand their purpose in my life. My heart yearns for the connections that could possibly be severed for life. I indulge in the what ifs and coulda woulda shoulda waaaaaay more than I really should. Not only is it unhealthy but these thoughts of inadequacy, insecurity and uselessness carried over to how I treat people. Which is unfair and unwarranted.
On a day I should be and part of me is happy, I’m reminded of the many opportunities I’m missing out on. On a day when I have a million fucking thangs to do at work, I’m sitting at the dealer protesting the necessity to leave right this second. On a day when I am obviously blessed to see the sun shining and the air against my face, I want nothing more than to be in bed with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s coffee Heath crunch, a slice of genuine New York cheesecake and some mega stuffed Oreos. don’t judge me!
I promise I’m not going through one of my bouts of depression.
yeah I know I sound that way tho I just often have waaaaaay too much time to think. Random asinine thoughts flood my brain as if I ain’t got shit else to think about. the randomness of other people’s actions, opinions, personalities, style of dress, etc trigger a multitude of memories and emotions that I really don’t wanna deal with.
As I get older, the more I realize I want more outta life. I want the simple aspects of life. I want the “that would be the least of my problems” aspects of life instead of the “fuck! Not this bullshit again!” Is that asking too much outta life?
Perhaps I am. Perhaps the cliché “good things come to those that wait” is true but as my sis says “I’m getting too old for this shit!”
Thas for reading…
the southern yankee
I dunno about you guys but I absolutely love this city. You hear me out there — LOVE!!!
I’ve had Chicago ambitions since I was a student at SicEmU. I wanted to work for the Chicago Sun-Times. I wanted to cover the mobsters of the Chi. Be immersed in the culture and food scene cuz let’s face it, anyone could eat this
everyday right?! I mean who wouldn’t want to have this delectable morsel of yummy spicy cheesy goodness?!
I can’t even say enough about this trip. It was definitely an opportunity I’m eternally grateful for because honestly my boss doesn’t have to pull the strings she does for me. She doesn’t have to help me advance in my career. She doesn’t really have to do anything but just let me work. But she does that and more 150% of the time.
So imagine my mind being blown late July when she told me we were going to good ol’ Chitown baby! Totally just… Shut me the fuck up and well we all know how hard that is sometimes. The weeks leading up to the trip I wasn’t excited or gung-ho about the trip. Something just wasn’t letting me enjoy the fact I was going to one of my top bucket list destinations. But like always I got through. My anxiety subsided finally.
But then I saw this:
Yoooooooooo lemme tell you something in my NYC Latina accent I had #reportambitions as soon as I stepped foot in the studio. My heart went pitter pat so fast I almost had the vapors. Spoken like a true southerner huh?
But the piece of résistance was this shot here from the Director of Engineering office:
Ain’t it just beautiful?!?!
I wanna go back. I wanna go to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. I wanna actually try a genuine Chicago hot dog. I would love to visit Northwestern University and its journalism school. I’d like to tour the Chicago Sun-Times if that’s even possible. So many side adventures that wasn’t exactly feasible this trip due to time constraints. But I’ll be back Chicago baby! Don’t you worry your pretty little heart.
Thanks for reading…
the southern yankee
*all photos were taken on an iPhone 5s