I am not built for this bullshit.
Day in and day out I’m under the microscope for no other fucking reason than I must be the most fascinating bitch around. Like everything I do which ain’t much since there’s always a watchful eye is a new-fangled thang and if Cara does it then it must be mutha fuckin GOLDEN!
Perhaps I’m reading too much into the situation. Perhaps just perhaps it is me that is overreacting and being over dramatic. I am willing to examine that aspect of the situation because let me be real here… I’m a woman who at any given time does not have a handle on her rational level-headed emotions. But at the same time, is it too much to ask for some mutha fuckin space? How hard is it to understand that my unresponsiveness is not an invitation for more feeble minded attempts to get acknowledgement from me?
I am emotional person. I know this about myself. I also know that I tend to wear my emotions in bright florescent colors haphazardly on my sleeves. People know what kind of mood I am in by my emotions and demeanor. Well, obviously not everyone does because I would not be writing this post if that were truly the case. There are indeed times when I crave attention or praise but not to the point where it becomes annoying and petty. There are also times when I don’t would like to be left alone to fume and stew by my lonesome for no other reason than I do not want to pick an unnecessary argument with anyone. Yet I find myself and everything I do and say under a fucking microscope. Rest assured I am not the most interesting person in the world. I put on my bra and panties like any other woman.
Sigh I am not here for anyone’s entertainment! Nor am I here to entertain foolishness that I’m pretty sure I have made clear I want no part of in any shape, form or fashion. Yet here I am… growing more and more annoyed and frustrated with the situation. Part of me knows that I can be better about the situation at hand. I constantly wrack my brain trying to figure out what I can do to make the situation better for everyone. I think back to all of my APO LEADS courses and wonder what personal development exercises I could suggest. Part of growing up is learning to turn the other cheek, right? Pero how long can one people take the good with the bad and wait?
Am I the only bitch in the room who hates the fuckin waiting game?
I shouldn’t be thinking about how I can sneak an entire bottle of ______________ insert any brand of premium hard liquor here in my purse on a daily basis. I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to change the person I am for anyone else other than me, myself and I.
I just shouldn’t because I’m too old for this bullshit!
Look at that… time to go!!
Thanks for reading…
The Southern Yankee