Day 9: Someone You Didn’t Want to Let Go, But Just Drifted

Ever heard of the saying “everyone has a twin”? Somewhere in the world there is a person who may share similar facial features. It has happened to me once or twice where I was mistaken for someone else I totally didn’t know and was probably never going to know.

Well what if your ‘twin’ was someone in your family? Confused? Here let me explain…

My cousin Sarah is more or less my identical twin even though she’s a year and four months younger than me and is the daughter of my Uncle Derek (younger brother of my mother’s ex-husband mentioned here).

It is really funny how alike we are. Everything from our physical features to our mannerisms to life altering events are exactly same. Hell even our parents’ divorce occurred around the same age apparently my uncle and his brother are both dumb asses AND our moms moved us out of the state of California.

We rarely more like almost never saw each other while we were growing up because I was in Texas and she was in California. One would think the distance between us would prevent us from being so close but it didn’t. The few times I was allowed to visit as a teenager felt like we only lived two or three miles a part or that we had only been a part for a few days instead a few years.

The days of us calling and writing letters to each other seemed like a distant memory when we both hit our twenties. She got married and had a baby. I had a baby a year and fourteen days later. I remember going to visit our grandparents in 2002. For a small portion of my trip, i spent a day or two with my cousin and her family. While it was nice to just be around her again, something felt different. Shortly after returning to Texas, she and I had a falling out. It felt like World War III was happening. Our poor Granny was in the middle of it all trying hard to “keep the peace”. We didn’t speak for what seems like years.

Then we found out Granny had lung cancer. I believe I read something on her live journal that sparked another falling out. I went to visit one last time in August 2005 right before Granny passed away. We saw each other again and made peace for Granny’s sake. Started talking again. But not as often as we had before. Granny passed away maybe two weeks after that. I couldn’t attend the funeral because I literally just left California.

After some time passed and grandpa moved to Las Vegas, I went out there to visit. My cousin and her girlfriend came to visit with the youngest daughter. Part of me thought I had my best friend back. The girlfriend was renewal to my cousin’s spirit. I had hoped this renewal would last a long time but it did not and neither did the relationship.

Fast forward to 2010. My Aunt Chris passed away from conjunctive heart failure. I admit the method in which I chose to tell her was pretty rotten. But I didn’t know what to do and well that led to another falling out.

Anyone seeing a pattern.

We didn’t talk for several years. My Granny’s last living sister passed away I believe last year some time. I found out through a relative I really didn’t know well. But my cousin knew and didn’t say a word to me or my older brother. That hurt me deeply because Aunt Dodgie was my last link to Granny. Of course I could have done my due diligence and kept in touch. But I still felt Sarah should have said something.

Fast forward to August 18th of last year that’s when my cousin told me Grandpa passed away. No one in his family told us. I think she found out via Facebook. We were going to try to meet up in Vegas for the funeral but there was no funeral. Grandpa wanted to be cremated. We talked for a little while and then nothing. Silence. No calls, emails or even text messages. I’m not sure what happened this time. I know there’s some major shit going on in her life and I wanted to be there for her. But she just stopped communicating.

Now I writing this post, hoping she will stumble upon it and read the following: I love you cousin always have and always will. I’m not sure how our relationship got so complicated but I really miss my twin. Life is too fucking short for us and Tresman not to be close since we’re the oldest grandchildren of Red and Granny. I do hope you’re okay wherever you are. ❤ cara

Thanks for reading…

The Southern Yankee

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