Day 7: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

In my life, I have never really regretted much of anything. I don’t regret losing my virginity the summer of my junior year of high school. Nor do I regret all the things I did my freshman year of Baylor. I’ve enjoyed the mistakes I’ve made because they’ve made me the person I am today. They’ve taught me to think twice before doing something that might hurt me or the people I love. 

Unfortunately, even though I talk and act like I’m fearless, I’m really not. even though I say I don’t regret anything, there is one thing I do. 

Her birth name is Elizabeth Cherie and she was born Friday, September 15, 2000 at 16:10 in Waco, Texas at Hillcrest Baptist Hospital. She is my daughter. My first child. My heart and soul. The very reason I live and breathe. The reason I want more out of life. The reason when I see a child hurt or suffering I want to cry and take their pain away. The only person that could make me cry with one look. if I ever got to see her again.

My heart hurts more than I care to admit. I feel so lost without her as if there is an unquenchable void in my heart and soul. Lord knows I would be more than happy to have her back. More than happy to hear her say “I love you Mami!” I hope and pray that one day she will know me and tell me the words I have longed to hear for so long. 

But I can’t help but wonder if she would even accept me. Will she understand why I did what I did? Or will she resent me? This is what I think about every time I think about her. I question why I didn’t listen to my wonderful friends who volunteered to help me raise the most beautiful little girl I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I question why my family didn’t either.

Sigh… If you ever get to read this, sweetheart, I love you! I love you soooo very much. From the day I found out about you til the day I die I will love you. 

You are my sunshine; my only sunshine. You make me happy; when skies are grey.

You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. please don’t take my sunshine away … love, Mami

 

Thanks for reading…

The Southern Yankee

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Nerdtastic, Write?

I am an aspiring writer trying to find my place in the world. Writing makes me happy, saves lives much like coffee and keeps me grounded. To truly know me is to understand my way of thinking, my quirky sarcastic side comments and left upper cut verbal jabs and side eye death stares. I’m simplistic but can often be very complex in nature. I love life to the absolute fullest but I am human; therefore, I have more than my fair share of ups and downs. I am a giant kid so being goofy comes natural to me. I secretly strive to be the next Ernest Hemingway, J.K. Rowling, Zora Neale Hurston or Shonda Rhimes. I openly and stupidly wear every bit of my fucking heart on my sleeve and refuse to apologize for or minimize my true unedited feelings.

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